We've all been there. Those people have actually flat-lined and just don't know it yet. Bite your tongue until the tip bleeds. Breathe normally as you exercise, and avoid holding your breath. Intimacy isn't just sex and passion isn't just doing it on the kitchen counter. When you feel close, try to distract yourself by thinking about something non-sexual, like work, sports, a TV show, or school. Truth is, in a marriage, you spend most of your time in an emotional middle ground. Approaching sex with confidence, self respect, and a positive attitude can make all the difference for both you and your partner.
Squeeze for a few seconds, then wait about 30 seconds before starting to have sex again. For a happier marriage, address them right away and keep it simple. Do your best to keep the conversation honest but low-pressure. When you feel close, try to distract yourself by thinking about something non-sexual, like work, sports, a TV show, or school. Life has ups and downs, peaks and valleys. If you typically date around, consider settling down with someone. At least pay your spouse the same courtesy you do your friends by fixing yourself up for him or her every once in awhile. Not every slight must be addressed. We all go through periods where the mere thought of life without our partners can bring tears to our eyes and then a week later we can't stand the sound of their breathing next to us. A much healthier pattern is to start out each day by asking yourself, "What can I do today to make my partner happy? Remind your partner and yourself that you appreciate them. Trying to reach climax as quickly as possible during masturbation can train your body to expect a quick finish. After you've been married for many, many years, that passionate kiss when your partner walks in the door can easily morph into a peck on the check that can then morph into an inability even to look up from your computer. Think about when you first met your partner. Know that things change, but that doesn't make them less exciting or fun. With many years and a few kids under your belt, it's easy to let your appearance slide. In life, there are big things and there are little things. I've been guilty of keeping score, constantly calculating who had done what. Couples counseling could help you and your partner sort out complex emotions and explore issues that might be interfering with intimacy. But most of us don't have problems of that magnitude. Foster relationships outside your marriage. Exercising the muscles that control ejaculation can help you last longer. Have patience, try out new techniques, and see what works best for you and your partner. Taking a low-dose SSRI a few hours before sex could help delay orgasm. It leads you to utter words like, "If you loved me you would have put the jumper cables back in my car so that when I get stuck in a bad neighborhood with a dead battery I could save myself," which, in my household, generally results in a reply like "When do you ever drive in bad neighborhoods?
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