Once we move past the "few bad apples" argument and start to suspect that this is more a trend than a blip, our instinct is to normalize. Have you committed a betrayal that remains unresolved? But if you're asking in good faith, if you really want to think through why someone might have acted as she did, the most important one is this: Bear in mind that if you even have to ask, trust has somehow already been eroded and this issue, whatever it turns out to be, needs confronting. Ninety per cent of people who cheat believe that they are justified in doing so.
How do you know if she is cheating besides the strange rash? Once we move past the "few bad apples" argument and start to suspect that this is more a trend than a blip, our instinct is to normalize. Why didn't she just get out of there as soon as she felt uncomfortable? And to ignore their discomfort. Or maybe they are scared of being alone and want to audition your replacement beforehand. Ninety per cent of people who cheat believe that they are justified in doing so. Finally, crucially, she was free to leave. If she has cheated before, she may think it's OK to do again, and it would be naive to ignore past examples of a two-timing character. Ask yourself whether you believe this was just a one-time mistake, or just the first time she makes it. It's a rich question, and there are plenty of possible answers. The centre of the universe Some women will go in a relationship with the expectation that you are equipped and willing to meet her every whim. Bear in mind that if you even have to ask, trust has somehow already been eroded and this issue, whatever it turns out to be, needs confronting. Maybe she'll set you up to fail, maybe she's just pushing her luck, maybe she pins all her hopes and dreams on one person and feels justified in taking her wild expectations elsewhere when you inevitably fail to meet her demands. If you still want to be together, try to work it out when things inevitably get difficult Is she truly being distant, or have past experiences caused you to jump to the conclusion that people will inevitably hurt you? Taking someone back doesn't necessarily make you a fool; it takes a lot of strength, patience and self-assurance to see beyond that betrayal. Are you stingy with emotional support? Women are enculturated to be uncomfortable most of the time. Now, you've discovered she has been unfaithful - do you want to take her back? Want to know whether you are a doormat? This is so baked into our society I feel like we forget it's there. To steal from David Foster Wallace, this is the water we swim in. In order to repair the relationship, you need to truly understand and be prepared to analyse why she did it. The week's best photojournalism Daily business briefing The world is disturbingly comfortable with the fact that women sometimes leave a sexual encounter in tears. Are you equal partners or does she feel exploited emotionally or practically? Have you committed a betrayal that remains unresolved?
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